i dont know waht to do....this feels like my heart is being ripped out of my chest and i cant handle it. i know ive mad some mistakes but i never actually did what i am being accused of. ive got nobody left and it truly sucks. i want so badlt for her to just realize that she means so much to me and would believe me. it seems that im destined to go through all of this for the rest of my life. i dont know what to do. i feel like crawling into a bottle and just letting the world go dark and blurry. this doesnt seem to be worth the pain. whoever said tis better to have loved and lost then to have never loved is completely wrong. everything is falling apart. i cant do this anymore. i cant do it....im just rambling on and on but i dont know what else to do. theres no one that i could talk to about this anymore. i just want her back. i swear to whoever reads this that i will never do this again. i wont gop through this pain ever again. if it means that ill never be in love again then i wont be in love. its to much pain. i cant handle it. it happend in high school with joanna and then again with tori. my marriage got fucked up and now this....there seems to be a pattern and its my fault. i know this now and i hope that i can get her back but it doesnt seem like it is going to happen. i cant do this i feel like shit....