so this is more for me i guess, why is it that love is so hard. i want this to work so badly and she says she does too but things she tells me and the things that i can see and feel are different. sometimes giving up seems like it would be so much easier but i can feel it that in the long run its going to hurt like heel. ive already felt a broken heart once and i dont want to feel one again. but its getting harder and harder each and every day. true, some days are perfectly fine but the bad out way them. at least thats what it feels like. dont misunderstand, i do not want out of this. i just want a solution.

Magic

that was really cool. i did my first paid magic gig hat was all on me. it wasnt a faire thing and ciran wasnt involved. i think that it went pretty well. i mean i was nervous as all hell before but as the night went on it got easier. i didnt think that the people at this party would have been really interested in magic but i was surprised at how much response and enthusiasm i got. gives me hope that i might actually be able to get my talents at sleight of hand to take me somewhere even if it was as a hobby. it was a great experience and i will definitely do it again. lol so if anyone wants me to perform for their event, lol call me

i feel like crap

my body is sore and i have a killer headache. i've been in bed all day. this sucks lol. well anyways im gonna try and see if i can get into this really cool a cappella group that i found. but since im sick its gonna be hard. my voice is killing me too. it hurts to swallow. hell does anyone even read these blogs lol.

Music

ok so heres the deal. music is my life. i love to listen to it, play it and when i can, write it. i want so much to go to a great music school but there is only one problem. dont know that i am good enough to pass the auditions. so over the next year here are my goals. i am going to actually sit there and try and master one instrument. only thing is idk which one i want to persue more. i know that this isnt something that you do on a whim but this is all i have to go with for now.

the only thing that i can think of that i might have a chance in is composing and song writing. every kid who applies for these schools with an instrument have been playing for years. my imediate famuly isnt all that musical but on my dads side they alomst all were. so im hoping it runs in our blood or something lol. but yea, i plan on majoring in music so i am going to try and do as much as i can to prepare myself for what i want to do. this is something that i refuse to give up on.

-Drew

uh

this is getting to become really annoying. major family drama. i cant stand it anymore and i want out so badly. i think that i have found a good way to fix my financial situation so thats a good thing. and once i fix that i can move out and take care of me. thats what i think i need most right not.

class isnt to bad. its kinda boring for the most part but then again we have only just begun. so you never know whats coming around the corner. i just wish that i could have taken more classes than what i am now.

so idk if people actually read what i write here so this is probably more like a journal but whatever, i dont care. =) talk to ya later.

I Dont Know

i dont know what to think when it comes to her anymore. i cant help how i feel about her but i also cant help that feeling that i am loosing her. no matter how much she says im not. i see her a couple times in a weekend which was amazing but then she goes home and parties all day and i dont even get a good morning or anything. i hate talking like this cause i feel like it makes me sound even more pathetic and selfish with a dash of jealousy. i hate it but i dont know what to do.

Overview of (My) Current Events

ok so here is the current deal. i think that i am really falling for her. let me take hat back, i know that i am. it hasnt been a super long relationship like my ex but i dont care i cant help it. but i am afraid of what might happen. i know for a fact that bot everyone i tell will be happy for me i mean hell, ive already come across a coupe people like that.

but i dont know what to do about that. i want me friends to be here for me but since graduation i dont really know if i have all that many as i used to. why did everyone have to wait until the end of high school to their true colors?

anyway, gettin ready for school wasnt all that hard i guess lol. got my books and paid for class. what else is there lol couldnt afford to take all the classes i wanted to but thats how the world works right? i just dont want to get stuck at rcc for the rest of my life like some people have been known to.

still tryin to decide what i want to do after i get done with rcc though. i can re audition for cal arts and juiliard. i think that i will be able to get accepted again or if i should go to cal state fullerton. havent decided but i hear that the berkley college of music is totally awesome. so ill look more into that. any suggestions hit me up. thanks guys

First Post

its my first blog, dont really have anything to report but i'll think about it and get back to you =D