so im sitting here in the dark on the floor watching a movie thinking about where i was one year ago today. its the saturday night before halloween. i know exactly where i was and what i was doing. i dont how i got into this situation and i kinda hope somebody reads this and i kinda hope nobody does. i hit my one year mark in the navy in like two days. ive gotten married and am a soon to be father in that time period. what am i doing with my life? i feel guilty because i jsut want to go back to how things were. i dont care if that sounds selfish right now but i dont know what else to do but just put it into words. i am in an unhappy marriage. i never wanted to be in this kind of relationship. u dont think anyone has. we both have said we are going to try and make it work but to be completely honest i dont know if we can anymore. even if we wanted to. and to make it all the more better there are other things that complicate this....i dont have anyone i can talk to about all of this. my best friend has stabbed me in the back over a woman before so he is out. i obviously cant talk to the wife about it all. my mom know about all of the crap with the wife but im afraid to tell her about the other complications and things. ive told a few friends about all the thigns going on but again im afraid to tell them whats going on....i live alone as it is and i dont want to lose any of the few people that i have i can hang out with. to make that part of life more difficult they are all over 21 so when they go out drinking i cant go so i sit here and feel stupid pity for myself because im by myself and i sit watching these moveis wishing that i was back in freshamn year and i could do things right in my life. i could stay in college and live life how i thought it would be. i could still be that romantic that i was. the thespian who would suck the marrow out of life and not choke on the bone.all of this isnt how i thought it would be. the navy isnt even bad. yea its stupid politics but its not big deal. it could be fun when we go abroad and have that in life but my proffesional life isnt the problem. like i mean i wish i was in college still and could have so many less worries. yea itd probably be harder financially but i would be happy. money is just money in the end you cant take it with you. its my personal life that is in the shitter. ive come to learn that i have always fallen for the girl hard and fast and i get myself in trouble. people say you dont know what you have until you lost it. ive lost myself in all of the translation that i donty know what to do with anything anymore. i jsut want to put it down somewhere. still again i would like if certain peopel would read this and not others. cant really control that though. this is all very repetative. and yes my spelling is shitty. i jsut want someone to talk to really. i think thts what it is in the end...maybe ill just do this more often to keep myself sane.