new stuff

i was meaning to say before in an earlier post that has anyone ever watched a movie or a seen or something and had that feeling of nothing but like....truth in romance? if that makes any sense. i dont know i saw a couple movies and just certain scenes in them made you feel like going back to a time where everything was kinda innocent. where you didnt have to worry about absolutely everything. it sucks that you cant go back to that. yea i guess i just want to re live my high school days and make them better. its one of those you really dont know how good you have it until its gone. and there really isnt anything anyone can say to make you understand that when they know better and have been there. its one of those things where you have to admit that you should have listened to your parents. i know that i should have. to have had more confidence. i mean i had confidence enough to talk to the opposite sex and all that fun flirting stuff, im talking about more of a self confidence in letting yourself show that emotion. to open the risk of getting hurt. i think thats why i did alot of the things that i did. i couldnt open myself up to that vulnerable stage. i was afraid of getting hurt. and it made things worse in the end for me. idk what else to say about that point anymore. i just wish things could be better all the way around.

me and my significant other truly are arnt doing well... at all. i just hope that we can keep things civil and easy. for the babies sake, the baby is the only truly innocent person in this whole mess and they dont deserve anything but the best. i really dont know what to do with that anymore. i mean....what am i supposed to do? anyone have any ideas? its gonna be hard. i can see that no matter what happens its gonna be hard. my friend from the duty section had her mom come visit her last night and i talked to her a bit. she has a phd in child advocacy and she helped me out a bit. she showed me that a baby is a great thing but it isnt a reason to stay in a relationship that is unhealthy or that isnt working. such is life and things change and you need to move on. you cant make anyone happy such as a wife or husband if you cant be happy yourself. you need to work on that first. because to be honest your the only one who knows what you truly want or that will stick with you through everything.

on a lighter not i got my hard copies of my orders. i leave great lakes in march and i then go to pensacola for my c school. i got 1580 ASR8 maintenance. its and air search radar. that school is 75 days long and then i go to san diego for shore duty on north island air station. its cool i guess but at the same time it kinda sucks on other things. like its cool cause ill be on shore and get to be close to my family and that jazz. but it sucks cause ill be on shore and wont get to deploy and travel like a sailor should. i wont have to crank when i get to a ship in a few years. but itll be hard to get a warfare pin if i could ever actually. and then its gonna be even harder to advance.

thats it for now i think....wish me luck.