so i havent been on in a while it seems and there has been alot of shit to happen that i dont even know where to start. actually im gonna open a new tab and read what the last post has said taht way i can tell where i need to start this off at i guess.

so yea i just read it and alot has changed. everythign has been put out into the open. i broke down like never before and all i wanted to do was to wrap my truck around a tree at 120. it would have made things easier it seemed at the trime but here i am still stuck and dont know what to do. so fucking pathetic. i cant do anything really because evveryone is so far away and it just doesnt work like that. but who you gotta talk to to get a strait fuckign answer. i got caught in some lies that i told. ill admit it i was wrong there is no denying that. but dam i mean if you say you wanted to work things out then lets do it and stop living in the past and jsut move on. but oh no cant do that either....i get told why should i give you a second chance if your just gonna throw it away. well i dont want the second chance i want what i cant have apparently. and now it all just gets worse and worse for one because i am up this fucking late writing a blog that no body even fucking reads....how fuckin sad is that.

but lets see the first thing is that i got caught in the lies. yes. i admitted to it and took it. yes. do i want to work things out? i did. i thought....not anymore i cant do it anymore. ive lost everything it seemed. all my so called friends back home like bailed on me and took her side. i can understand thinking that i fucked up and calling me out on it i get that. but to take someoneelses side after so many years together for someone you have never fucking met. dam that was some cold shit. i mean i have friends that i met in the navy that are closer to me it seems than any of them. so i dont know about that whoel situation anymore. kind wish i get sent to virginia so i can just leave it all behind...again. whatever but thats that story

i am married. i dont want to be anymore. she told me that she wants me to show more emotion and that i need ot be more open so here it is. is this open enough for you?! we are only staying married until may so that she is covered by medical so the baby to be is taken care of the right way...oh yea she is prego i didnt mention taht before. and to top that off....her step sister decided today that it would be a good idea to kick her and punch her...in the fucking stomach! wow i mean dam. i wanted to kill a bitch and i do mean that kinda literally....probably shouldnt say that seein how i could get in some trouble for that one. oh well its already typed and the backspace button is so far away. oh yea, her mom and step dad some how think it was her fault too though...that she could have avoided it and instegated it....and they got her convinced of this. i need to get her the hell out of there just for the soul fact that that it is my kid she is carrying. plus after hearing all of this her family is full of complete nut cases! thats that part of the new stuff

oh and back to the friends issues for a sec...ive even lost those who claimed they were my best friends....i got messages on facbook saying i cant believe you would do that kind think, you disgust me.....i cant believe that you made it this long without fucking up its avbout time....yea they can all suck a fat one....

and now to the topic im dealing with at the moment....actually i dont know if i wanna put this up yet. im still trying to deal with it myself. yes i have made a mistake and was a jackass and lied about some things.....well taht doesnt mean i dont like being lied to either. yes i know what your thinking you are thinkning that i deserve it and you know what ? your absolutely righgt....but for soem reason i havnet been able to let this one go...ever since before i went to boot camp i wa hoping for this. i thought at one point in time taht i didnt need it anymore but i was wrong. i am still wrong. there are alot of things i wish i could change in my life and frome what ive been hearing this is one that needs to be cut out....but i cant do it. i dont want to do it and for the most part i probably wont do it. i just wish that i could make everything go to where i want it....send me to fuckin san diego....i hate it here in great lakes....and its about to snow soon....fuck

so thats whats going on here....im thinkin im going to post this site to facebook now....maybe someone will read this now....highly doubt it....oh and as usual i apologize for the spelling....im typing to quick to care about it anymore i guess....